GoldCoastCB Forum -- May 26, 2018, 08:15:53 PM
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Author Topic: Weight Watchin' CB Style  (Read 1929 times)
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« on: September 27, 2016, 11:32:57 PM »

I had bronchitis about 6 weeks ago, and during that time I lost
just over 3kg's. (weight of a full 3 liter milk bottle)

93kg to 90kg. Wasn't much but it's
made the world of difference to my snoring and
sleep apnea; both of which came about due to weight gain.

It was even getting hard to wipe my ass.

I'm usually a 75kg finely tuned machine (jokin') with a fast metabolism.

The last 7 years the weight has been going on
due to my couch surfing, alcohol and mozzarella addiction and a desire
to get fat and sit on Starvin Dimmock face until his body turns blue.

Being a CB dick head usually involves long periods of doing frick all as well.
I literally weighed up the pro's and con's of being a "fatty", and have
decided to try and trim down a bit.

Trouble is I'm a lazy CB crunt, and don't like exercise.

Supposedly a bloke that eats 2500 calories a day (1) won't
lose or gain weight, so I target for no more that 1500
a day - which in theory means I'll lose weight without having to
do any fricking exercise.

Subway's six inch turkey and salad rolls are only 300 calories each.

Three of them a day, breakfast, lunch and dinner would
be a killer weight lose plan at 900 calories per day, but they
aren't cheap.

Plan B. Buy a kitchen scale and a pair of reading glasses to
see the tiny fricking small print on the back of packets,
and weight my own food.

The sight and smell of cabbage (common diet food for pussies) sickens me,
so screw that menu item. Bugger boring oats as well.

- One Aldi mystery meat snag 196 calories
- One slice of bread 90 calories (seriously, how forked up is that  sad2)
- Onions and sauce each 20 calories.
- 800ml coffee milk 300 calories

One of my favorite foods is the Aussie snag and onion
in bread deal. I'd usually have three or four of these for lunch or dinner, but
at about 310 calories each I have cut down to no more than two.

Ice fricking cold 800ml home made coffee milk is 50% watered down Adli full cream milk
which works out at 300 calories. Tastes OK when really cold, and I get 4 liters
now for the price of 2 liters. (sorry struggling farmers)

- One cheap ($3.50 for six) mystery meat Aldi pie 350 calories
- 250 grams of oven cooked (no oil) Aldi french fries 200 calories
- Tomato sauce 20 calories

Still no cabbage or oat meal in sight. I'd usually have two pies at a time, but
at 350 calories each (many pies are more) that had to stop.
Surprisingly (to me anyway) potatoes are low in calories, yet very filling.
Yeap, been real hard eating a plate of french fries everyday  toothy12

- Four small potatoes (400 grams after cooking) 10mins in the microwave - 350 calories
- Lettuce, mayo, pepper, salt, chilly sauce, garlic herb butter 50 calories

Yeah, potatoes again, but cover them in all sorts of crap and
they taste OK skins and all. (wash well before cooking)
Fricking cheap as well - dinner tonight was 50 cents.

- One Adli crumpet 80 calories with 30 grams fresh tomato 7 calories
- Mayo, salt, pepper 20 calories

Staring to look like a fricking ad for Aldi.

During this whole process, I've become a tomato-oholic.
I put those very low calorie, yet high in vitamin C,
little buggers on any and everything. I've fallen in love
with squeezy mayonnaise as well.

No need to eat tasteless shit while CB dieting.

More easy 'n' cheap lazy CB dick head dieting menu
ideas (fish, pasta etc) coming soon ....

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« Reply #1 on: September 28, 2016, 08:41:39 AM »


Earlier in the year there was a story on ACA (a crap show that I usually avoid) about a big fat  Dimmock Dog Shit who had begun a diet of only potatoes
cooked in all sorts of different ways in an attempt to lose weight.

A few months later he was on again looking like  Starvin Dimmock

Potato only diet worked for this guy, and as mentioned very economical way to eat        Number 7
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« Reply #2 on: September 28, 2016, 11:16:23 AM »

- 40g (1 cup) of Nutri Grain 150 calories
- 250ml almond milk 40 calories

Weird the first time, but now I'm a fan of almond milk
on Nutri-Grain for breakfast. Trouble is almond
milk is costly at $2 per liter. Nutri-Grain is a
bit pricey at $1 per 100 grams as well, but better
than the idea of eating that cruddy muesli stuff.

Ow  Number 7, getting all skinny like Starvin Dimmock would be disastrous,
as would only eating boring potatoes.

Starvin Dimmock is about 55kg. I'm going for 75kg, where I'm still heavy enough to sit on him,
yet light enough to run like a gazelle should a cheater arise from the dark bush.

It's all about the numbers at the end of the day.
Hard part is spreading 1500 calories over three daily meals,
using fricking scales and google to look up food ratings.

I need to find wine that has frick all calories as well.
I go all week doing well on the food, then blow it
with a 5 liter goon of Coolabah wine. Jeez, 200 cals per glass
ain't good for my waist line.

Although, as a plus, I find wine makes me go  Dimmock Dog Shit
which is a good thing. Natural balance in action.

Geez, I'm thinking about lunch already.

 Cool Chicken

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« Reply #3 on: September 28, 2016, 06:13:16 PM »

- 50g (two slices) of Aldi devon roll (ham and chicken) 90 calories
- Four slices of bread 360 calories  confused2
- Tomato 20 calories
- Lettuce 5 calories
- Mayo, salt, pepper, salt 10 calories

Calorie monster in that mix is the bread again.
Corn tortillas are better but I haven't tried them yet
as they cost more and Aldi doesn't sell them.

Fark those all vegetable diets. I'd rather steaks
everyday but the calories are high in red meat.

Much to my surprise a 1kg Devon Roll (pig and chicken dicks, lips
and ass holes all ground up) is low in calories and only $2.50

Gotta squirt all the other stuff on Devon though.

Me new second hand $2 sandwich press made my ordinary lunch look more edible.

LOL, new presses at K-Mart are $20, but Number 7 put me off K-Mart with his ghost stories.
So I spent $5 on fuel for a 60km round trip to Bonogin for a $2 press off Gumtree.

Best $7 I've spent in a long time  Cool Chicken

Near new K-mart jaffle maker here if anyone wants it.
It wasn't doing it for me.

Fark, almost dinner time  bbq
« Reply #4 on: September 29, 2016, 12:52:55 PM »

 sign10 look at fatty trying to lose weight

my secret dimmock diet is better...

4 liters of water and one fried chicken wing per day.

i only go on about your weight because im as gay as fuck and have a man crush on you little buddy  love7

when you get skinny like me we can get lost under my single bed sheets together (byo gps device)

 Starvin Dimmock
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« Reply #5 on: September 29, 2016, 08:26:00 PM »

- 200g oven cooked Basa fish fillet 120 calories
- 200g oven cooked french fries 170 calories
- half a garlic bread 440 calories (fark confused2 I didn't know until after I'd eaten it)
- sauce 15 calories

Got super excited after rooting through the
Aldi seafood section to find, Basa.

It's a very low calorie fresh water fish with no bones, tastes great
and dang diddly dido cheap ($6 for 8 fillets)

After having it a couple of times, I googled info on Basa only to find out
it's in the cat-fish family. Puke, I hate ugly looking cat-fish.
Basa don't look as bad. so I haven't throw them to the fish-cat yet.

Keep chewing on those little chicken wings starvin Starvin Dimmock
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« Reply #6 on: September 29, 2016, 08:37:07 PM »

 Dimmock Dog Shit Starvin Dimmock Dimmock Football Dimmock Dog Shit Dimmock Football Starvin Dimmock

cant help it now......

how does calories convert to kj ?

just received my pizza hut delivery (all the way from helensvale cos ashmore has closed dontknow  they were good there...)

my hawaiian is at 6145kj and my beef deluxe weighs in at a whopping 7045kj (must be the mushrooms)

how long till i become a big fat  Dimmock Dog Shit   ???????
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« Reply #7 on: September 29, 2016, 09:17:06 PM »

Holy Bon Jovi, you're eating all that pizza tonight?  Crazy

Turns out Kj's is an Australian thing - I stick with the global calorie norm.

Mushrooms should be low .. 6145kj + 7045kj equals 13190Kj

Ya divide the Kj's by 4.184

That's 3152 calories for both pizzas.

1500 calories (what I have all day) for one pizza isn't bad,
just as long as you make three meals out of it over the whole day.

If ya eat both tonight you'll have stavin Starvin Dimmock
calling ya fatty boomsticks before long.

Arrrhhh, but we don't care about bug head name calling bullies around here Dimmock Football

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« Reply #8 on: September 29, 2016, 10:04:13 PM »


smashed half of each making it about 1500 calorie dinner

not sure how many kj were in my bacon cheese burger and V coffee milk I had for smoko..... tongue8

wonder how many kj it burns off growing my beard........ book1
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« Reply #9 on: September 30, 2016, 11:28:58 AM »

bacon cheese burger and V coffee milk as well?  confused2

ow crap, you're going to feel the gay bully wrath of primorac, assfellow and  Starvin Dimmock

the gay bullies only like skinny men on CB.

only gay bullies give a dam about what other men look like

burger it, give me a sign7, extra cheese and double bacon burger as well !!!

doing 1500 calories and less per day for three weeks and I still
aren't below 85kg yet anyway

with no exercise i'd have to go down the dark path to 1000 per day.

I'm breaking under the gay bullys strain as it is. what to do

stay fat and keep the gay bully's away, or become a tooth pick
and have  Starvin Dimmock thinking about my butt.

fark i miss girls on the CB.

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« Reply #10 on: September 30, 2016, 12:18:48 PM »

 walk walk walk walk walk

might just need a little exercise then you can eat all the  happy1     sign7     occasion15      bbq    violent4    Dim Sim   snorting
as much as you want

just need to find some kind of fun and physical activity

how about     Dimmock Football

this is  Starvin Dimmock favourite way to exercise         large member

 Number 7 Number 7 Number 7 Number 7 Number 7
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« Reply #11 on: September 30, 2016, 02:22:01 PM »

yes great idea, Dimmock Football would be a great way to keep fit,
trouble is finding that football. it's a very shy football that likes to
play hard to get.

 Cool Chicken
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« Reply #12 on: September 30, 2016, 09:29:32 PM »

- 120g devon 200 calories
- 200g chips 170 calories
- tomato and sauce 15 calories

Just when you thought life couldn't get any better,
then bam, along comes oven baked Devon (German sausage)
and chips to the rescue.

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« Reply #13 on: September 30, 2016, 09:41:00 PM »

mmmmm oven roasted chub     violent4
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